M.O.B Mother Of Boys
Mother of boys… What does a teenage boy need from his mum?
It’s simple really! Unconditional love and understanding.
To love and accept them without conditions. They will make silly choices and that’s ok.
Sit back and trust that your teachings of love, values, morals, manners and critical thinking in the first seven years have well and truly embedded in their character.
Teenagers are changing daily from; moods to hair styles to clothing.
Sometimes our greatest job as a mum is to observe in silence. Not everything needs a comment.
When you surrender control and manipulation and consciously guide them with intention and awareness, you will take your parenting to the next level and actually enjoy the experience.
#1 – A safe place to figure themselves out.
The goal of giving teens grace is to create a safe space for them. You can do this by listening, not lecturing; by understanding not judging and respecting their space at home.
Privacy’s important for teens partly because they need to separate.
It’s tempting to think that they’re just goofing off, but they spend a large part of their time just thinking about things, trying to figure out who they are, who they want to become.
There’s a lot of work for them to do, and they need some space to do it.
The secret to putting your mind at ease and avoiding your teen from being anti-social is, to NOT have any technology in their private space.
#2 – Boundaries
Teens resist boundaries because they are wanting to explore their freedom.
However, boundaries = security. They create certainty and and a sense of safety, which is essential for confident decision making.
Involve your teen in creating a contract between the two of you. Having a voice, removes any power struggles or resistance.
The guidelines of age appropriate freedom is clear and he has agreed to the conditions by signing the contract. In the event that he breaches the contract, follow through is key.
You won’t be met with resistance if you allow him to contribute to the natural consequences on the contract.
Placing the contract somewhere visible, as a constant reminder that you have a deal, is more likely to be adhered to and respected.
#3 – Freedom
Within those boundaries teenage boys need the opportunity to stretch their wings and try new things…. healthy adventures!
With freedom comes responsibility though.
An irresponsible choice would result in a loss of freedom, until they earnt it back. Otherwise the words ‘responsible’ and ‘freedom’ in the same sentence, won’t have any value.
#4 – A listening ear
Boys need to talk.
Get them alone, in the car is always a good place and talk about their interests and their lives.
To listen and not criticize or manipulate is a really valuable skill.
#5 – A sense of humour
Teenagers are hilarious.
There’s nothing like bonding over a good laugh.
Always create the time, no matter how busy you think you are. Be present and treasure the moment because moments make the memories.
#6 – Touch
Establish touch by creating a ‘hug a day’ rule to avoid those awkward, keep your distance periods from developing.
Every boy needs a hug from his mum. He’ll love it even if he refuses to show it.
#7 Genuine interest
What does your teenager love to do?
Learn to love it too so you can have decent conversations about it. This will keep the doors open.
#8 – Forgiveness
Teenagers will make mistakes.
They will demonstrate the beauty of messing up over and over to the point you will wonder where you went wrong. But if you know it’s coming, it won’t throw you off.
#9 – Direction
Your teenager actually wants you to give them guidance. Don’t confuse that with telling them what to do, there is a difference.
When you see them facing a folk in the road go ahead and speak some solid words of advice and quote someone they might respect.
Giving them guidance without strings attached, is key. Sometimes they will take your suggestion and other times they will need to experience it for themselves.
#10 – Encouragement
The world will scream all kinds of negatives to your son, so be his greatest fan.
Believe in him with all your heart and tell him that you do.
#11 – An Example
Your kids are watching you so take your role seriously. There is plenty of time to be friends once they are successful adults.
The greatest thing you can do for your son is, to model the kind of person you want them to be.
Boys need their mums to;
- Actively listen & validate;
- Discipline through natural consequences;
- To share a joke or a hug.
Mothers have a huge effect on the way their sons develop. It is emotional intelligence that a mother ultimately teaches her son, which ensures that he can not only understand his own feelings, but he can also be insightful, empathetic and compassionate to others.
The thing with parenting is, you are never really sure when they need you, so the key is to be in close proximity.
It’s a life time commitment, enjoy your creation.
Look out for my blog on ‘Conscious Parenting’ until then, be the change you want to see.